


Read It Right

by DoctorsOrders



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Arguing, Feelings, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Making Up, Morning After, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-23 19:58:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13197477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorsOrders/pseuds/DoctorsOrders
Summary: Intimacy is good for nothing if both parties are blind to what they want.





	Read It Right

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I could write for years about Bones’ self doubt.  
> This is just drabble, I just started writing this at work and couldn’t stop. In an ideal world this would be like chapter 13 of a slow burn fic, but we do not live in the timeline where I write that fast.

“You don’t have to do that,” Leonard said with a sigh. It was the last thing he wanted to say, but it wasn’t Jim’s fault he was a goddamn idiot.

“Don’t have to do what?” Jim said absently from where he was still sprawled on the bed, stroking his fingers along Leonard’s duvet.

“Stay.” Leonard said glancing over. Fuck, he was gorgeous even like this. “I won’t make things weird later, you have my word.”

Jim’s calm demeanor vanished as he scrambled to sit up. “What does that mean? You want me to leave?”

“No, I’m saying don’t stay because you think you have to. We had a couple drinks, I know it was a rough day for you, emotions go into overdrive. So if it just happened because I was here and safe, I don’t mind.” A boldfaced lie, he absolutely minded, but this was better than losing Jim all together. 

“It didn’t...that didn’t mean anything to you?” Jim asked, his lip quivering the slightest bit as his fist tightened in the sheets.

Leonard stopped, suddenly at a loss. Why did that look hurt so much? Why was Jim taking this exactly the opposite of how he planned? “I didn’t say that,” he amended.

“But that’s what you _meant_ ,” Jim shot back bitterly.

“No!” Leonard said, exasperated, “Fuck, Jim! I’m giving you an out, would you just take it?”

“What if I don’t want it?”

“...what?” That just didn’t make the least bit of sense.

“Do you want to pretend it didn’t happen? Because if you do then whatever _fine_ , I’ll leave, but...it _will_ be weird later. ”

Leonard hesitated, he was so fucking lost. He didn’t know why they were fighting, why he was fighting so hard when it was what he wanted deep down anyway. “I wanted it to happen,” he said finally, he might as well go down in flames. “I’ve wanted this—you—for a long time, longer than I should admit. But I know how your birthday is, how difficult it is for you, and it’s not fair for me to expect you want anything more than what happened.”

Jim considered that, looking at Leonard for a long time. “I wouldn’t have...not with you...shit, let me start over. I wouldn’t risked everything we have just to fuck if I wasn’t sure what I wanted. You weren’t _convenient_. I wanted you, I wanted us, I still do.”

Leonard tired to process that, he really did, but he could make the pieces fit together. "You don't want me," he said with only a bit of self-loathing, "I don't have anything to offer. I'm a callous, old, washed-up divorcee."

"That's fucking insulting," Jim retorted easily. Leonard raised his eyebrows at the tone shift, at the sudden surge of confidence. "You saying I have bad taste? That I don't know what I want?"

"No darlin'."

"Then what _are_ you saying?"

"You're too good. Shouldn't tie yourself to someone like me."

Jim laughed, but not at Leonard, if anything it was at himself. "Me?" he motioned to himself like he wasn't sure who Leonard was talking about, "Bones...I'm a huge fuck up. I should be the one pleading with you to take me, not the other way around. The hero’s son, too smart for his own good. The asshole with daddy issues who can't seem to get his life together, who can't make anything out of himself except a bloodied piece of meat on a bar floor."

Leonard stared. He'd never thought of Jim like that. He knew. He knew all of it, Jim had told him. He babbled when he was drunk, or even when he was sober and just exhausted. Leonard had never subscribed to the notion that Jim needed to be anything besides what he was: smart, beautiful, and full of life and heart.

Leonard tried to speak but Jim cut him off. "No, shut up, you don't get to say anything yet! God, you take the weight of the galaxy on your shoulders. You care about everyone—about me—more than anyone has the right to. I fucking care about you, do you know how long it's been since I cared about _anything_? You made me remember what that feels like. Goddamnit Bones, let me love you."

"Pretty sure that's my line, kid," Leonard grumbled a little, but there was no heat behind it. He felt a little stupid for trying to hold Jim at arms length now, but how could he have possibly known?

“Will you let me?” Jim asked, his voice dropping to a hush as he moved over and settled himself next to Leonard.

He took Jim’s hand as an answer, clasped it between his own. Leonard looked at him, really looked. Jim was so sincere, so open. Leonard nodded feeling far too vulnerable.

Jim grinned brightly, squeezing his hand before saying, “you are old though, jesus, I didn't realize...six whole years, how will we manage?"

"Shut up."

"You're being really fucking rude by the way," Jim added after a moment of silence, "I told you I loved you and you didn't say it back."

Leonard blinked, his stomach doing immature summersaults as he realized Jim was right. "I love you, my god I do.”

"Yeah?"

"Yes darlin'."

"No caveats?"

"No. Everything about you, I love all of it."

Jim fought back a grin but couldn't seem to quell the blush. "Well that’s the best birthday present I’ve ever gotten. Kiss me?"

"You've got morning breath."

"You love everything about me though," Jim nudged.

Leonard couldn't argue with that logic. He laughed before he leaned into kiss Jim. He’d have to work at feeling like he was good enough, or perhaps he could be better, become good enough. Maybe he could really do this again, give himself to another person, he wanted to. It terrified him, but if anyone understood that fear as much as he did, it was Jim. And that could be enough, just them. Just this.

“You taste like sour milk,” Leonard said with the barest hint of a smile when he pulled away.

“You’re no better,” Jim scoffed. He took a fistful of Leonard’s threadbare T-shirt. “Pretend like you don’t care and kiss me again.”

Even through the haze, Jim still had the lingering taste of home.


End file.
